Jacob

I am so worried that one day Jacob will hate me.  I worry that he will grow up and resent me.  That he will become a teenager and stop talking to me.  That he'll be mad that I am an old parent and that I don't provide him with all the material objects that he wants.  I'm scared that he'll be mad at the choices that I've made.  He'll want things that I can't provide for him.  I heard on Sunday that worrying is a sign that you distrust God.  If I put more faith in God, I wouldn't worry so much.  Maybe I need to trust God more and recognize that worrying is not serving a purpose.  Is worrying motivating me to take steps so that Jacob will respect and love me when he grows up?

Rachel - RIP

Today I picked up Rachel's ashes from a cremation company.  I feel terribly guilty because I think I killed her by not providing her with an adequate water source when I went down to Napa, CA with Jacob.  Usually, I leave a bowl of water near the dry cat food, but this time I just left the water running in the bathtub.  I thought that she and Sally would know there way to finding the fresh water freely flowing into the tub.  I had left the faucet dripping and a shallow bowl tilted over the drain so that the water would overflow the bowl and go down into the drain.  I worry that Rachel wasn't able to find the water source or was unable to scale the bathtub ledge to reach the water.  Perhaps, she became dehydrated and she was unable to function.  Perhaps it was too much for her 17 year old body to take.  Why didn't I just leave another bowl of water out near the dry cat food like I always did?  What would the harm have been?  Now my cat is gone, and I have to live with the guilt that it was my fault.  I hate to beat myself up, but I think I should have been more conscientious.